The Danger of Definitions

Our desire to define  
There is a survival impulse to our desire to define things.  We believe that we will be safe when we know how things are because then we know how to respond.  Imagine if we had to learn, over and over again that a fire is hot or a knife is sharp. 

We take on definitions daily from many different sources

• The people in our lives - parents and teachers, co-workers and friends
• Society in general – magazines, television
• We also create them ourselves – from seeking meaning from experiences   

However, not all definitions serve us. They become dangerous when we take them on unconsciously, without scrutinizing them for helpfulness.  They are not necessarily an accurate reflection of ourselves or the world around us.  We assume, though, that our definitions are a true reflection of reality and we then create our life so that our experience matches that definition.
 
Our definitions create our reality and experience of life 
 
We define ourselves.  
Imagine defining yourself as “not good at math(s)” and so “math(s) is hard”. When you have this definition how do you feel about the subject?  How do you approach it?  Maybe you spend less time on it, you assume you can’t do it because it’s hard and so you avoid it.  This in turn leads to you not becoming proficient at math(s). When you have a test you will find it hard as you can’t answer the questions thus creating your definition.
 
We define something/someone
I worked with a client who was about to present their strategy to their senior leadership team.  My client was hearing from presenters the previous day that the leadership team were “difficult and critical”.  
 
When we looked at that definition how my client wanted to respond based on that definition it made them want to be proactively defensive and not listen to any feedback.  When I asked them “if you were the leadership team how would you respond to someone who was defensive and didn’t listen to feedback” they said “I’d be annoyed and want to show them where they were wrong”.  Sound ‘difficult and critical’?  Everyone was creating their own experience of that leadership team based on their definition.
 
We define a situation
If we define an event as terrible and awful, that will be our experience of it.  Our reality is based on our definition not on inherent truth.  As Joseph Campbell is quoted as saying “Pain is inherent, suffering is optional”.  Suffering comes about because of the definitions and meaning we place on our experience.
 
Imagine getting a flat tire.  If you define that as ‘bad’ and ‘my day is ruined’.  If this is our perspective, we will experience pain, annoyance and the “why me” mentality.  The impacts of that will continue to be felt about the rest of the day.  You go on to convince yourself that it is going to be “one of those days”.  The kind of day where you should have simply stayed in bed. You’ll be frustrated and snappy and more ‘bad’ things will happen and the cycle perpetuates.  
 
Don’t change your definitions!
“What” I hear you cry? If my definitions create my reality why don’t I simply change my definition of myself or of an event?
 
If only it were that simple.  When we are focusing on changing our definitions we are still putting the power in the definitions and not what we are creating.  We are buying into the fact that the definition is important, that it has the power.  So, by trying to change the definition we are, in fact, putting more power in the unhelpful definitions.   
 
Staring into your bathroom mirror each morning and reciting affirmations about how you want to be will not alter your fundamental definitions.  Our subconscious mind receives the message we believe, not the message we wish to believe! It receives the message of how we behave not what we say.
 
For example: If you stand in the mirror reciting, “I feel pretty”, your subconscious mind looks at your behaviour: reading articles on how to make yourself more pretty with make-up, spending all of your disposable income on beauty aids and trying to convince yourself in front of the mirror and realizes “you don’t really believe this”,
 
These mantras simply reinforce the message we are trying to change and we are even more entrenched in the unhelpful definition.
 
So how do we shift?
Our focus creates our reality so we shift by moving our focus away from the definition and putting it on what we want to create, then allowing the next step to become obvious from there.
 
Imagine we are operating from a definition that going to the grocery store is a difficult, stressful experience.  As a result, we dread going and put it off until we can’t do so any longer and then go when we are rushed and hungry.  We are already in a bad mood and that’s what we are focused on so we forget our mask and have to go back and so it goes on with us saying to ourselves, “I knew it was going to be awful”.
 
Instead of operating from those definitions we can ask ourselves - what is my END RESULT of going to the grocery store?  And don’t let yourself get away with “to get food” – go a bit higher than that – what does it truly serve? What do you want to create? What would you love?
 
Maybe it’s wanting to create delicious meals and happy dinner time memories with my family.  The higher vibration of your end result is more powerful than your definitions and will propel you forward in creating what you would love, not trying to prove your definition correct. 

You will find you have a different approach to your visit and everything will more effortless and fun:

• You will naturally make healthier food choices 
• You’ll pick up less of what “you don’t need” and spend less 
• Your trip will be smoother and shorter 

Or, what may become obvious to you from your end result is to have your groceries delivered! 
 
Remember, we are either in the energy of creation or we are in the energy of proving our beliefs, assumptions and definitions.  Awareness always is the first step. Choosing to be aware of when you’re operating from definitions will serve you in recognizing it, allowing you to shift into creating from your end result.