2021 is Your Year to DITCH the New Year’s Resolution Rollercoaster

The start of the year is often a time we are inspired to set New Year's resolutions. “This year I will... lose weight, quit smoking, get fit, get a better job, stick to a budget.”  But, how many of these goals come to fruition?

According to a study conducted by the University of Scranton, just 8 percent of people achieve their New Year’s resolutions, while around 80 percent fail to keep them and 30 percent give up on them within two weeks.

If we begin the year with the best of intentions, why do we fail to see our resolutions through?  Because, most resolutions are what I call negative visions.  

Negative visions are ones born of fear – they are the opposite of what we don’t want, fixing a condition we think needs to change, rather than creating something that brings us joy.

We think that we are flawed in some way and want to correct that perceived inadequacy.  From that state of fear – fear of not being perfect, fear of not being good enough, not being as good or as disciplined as others – we create our resolutions.

Resolutions are doomed from the start because when we create a goal from fear, more often than not it leads to an oscillating structure.

Oscillating structures

Weight loss is a common one that most of us can relate to in some way. We lose a bit of weight, feel good about our accomplishment and then slide right back into old behaviors and the weight goes back on, sometimes even more than before. 

In May 2016, The New York Times ran a front-page story on the findings from a study out of the US National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases: fourteen reality show contestants had been tracked for half a dozen years after appearing on the program The Biggest Loser. Through dieting and very intensive exercise, each had lost at least 50 pounds during their time on the television series—and a couple had shed more than 200—but the follow-up study found they’d regained about two-thirds of what they’d lost, on average. A handful ended up even heavier than when they first appeared on the television program.

The same oscillating structure is true for all negative visions – giving up smoking, sticking to a budget.  When that is the focus, sure we may achieve it for a while, but then the draw to swing back will be even more powerful.   I saw this myself when I hurt my knee – I did all the exercises I was supposed to when it hurt and then when it stopped hurting I stopped doing all the exercise until it started hurting again – I was in oscillating structure of pain, no pain, pain, no pain.  

And people experience this financially as well.  According to the National Endowment for Financial Education 70% of lottery winners end up broke and a third go on to declare bankruptcy. That’s some painful swing back.

Rising above the oscillation

There is hope!  We can tap into our Spirit and rise above the oscillating swing when we create joy-based end results, not fear-based resolutions.   Just look at the definition of each.

Fear

Noun:

• a feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety and well-being of someone

Res·o·lu·tion (based in fear)

Noun:

• a firm decision to do or not to do something.
• the quality of being determined or resolute.

Joy

noun: 

• a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

End re·sult (based in joy)

noun: 

• the final result or outcome of an activity or process.

End results based in what brings us joy will continue to replenish the soul, providing the ability to stay motivated and enthusiastic about your journey.  Fear-based resolutions tap into insecurity, disappointment and can easily discourage our efforts.

Focus Creates Reality

It is normal to think, “If I want to lose weight, I will focus on that and that is what I will create”.  Unfortunately, that is not the case.   Our subconscious mind doesn’t work that way.   It’s clever - it knows why you want to lose weight!  And that is the true focus.

The more focus we put on losing weight the more we are inadvertently focusing on the fact we are overweight and the more ways we create to gain weight. 

If your goal is to lose 20 lbs because you are disgusted at the site of yourself in your underwear, you may drive yourself join a gym in January because that’s what you ‘should’ do and will go for a while.  If going to the gym doesn’t bring you joy

after losing a few pounds you won’t feel like you need to go as much, or even worse you will see no change, get discouraged and stop going all together.  Come April, you’ll be asking yourself “why am I paying all of this money for something I never go to?”.   Congratulations, you’ve now given yourself multiple ways to beat yourself up.

1.) I can never follow through with anything, I have no discipline

2.) I’ve wasted all of this money

3.) I’m heavier than when I started, I’ll never get to my goal weight

Think about the message we give our subconscious each time we say, “I’m going to lose weight so I look as good as the other moms at the pool this year, I will fit into my favorite dress again.”    Our subconscious hears, “you are fat, you aren’t as perfect as other mom’s, and you haven’t fit into it for years – what makes this time different”.   

This type of New Year’s resolution gives your subconscious the message that you are weak and that there is something fundamentally wrong with you that needs fixing.  Where’s the joy in that? 

Setting joy-based end results in 2021

How about this year we try something different?  Rather than, “God, I have to lose weight”, focus on the higher end result of being healthy and what joy that brings. And, toss out the ‘HOW’ – the proverbial ‘right way’ of getting that end result. 

Why do you want to get healthy, what joy will it bring?

“I’d love to hike Kilimanjaro, play football with our kids in the garden, learn to scuba dive, or learn to salsa”.  Imagine how you feel when you are doing these things and ask ‘what is my next obvious step’. 

Maybe the next obvious action is to take family walks in the evening, learn to climb, try out new recipes (instead of eating out) or get new comfy bedding for better rest.  Whatever the next obvious step is, remember is comes from the energy and emotion of the vision of your end result.  That will inspire the motivation to make different choices in your life.   If a healthy body will serve you to do the things that you would love and bring you joy, do things you love to make that a reality!

When your joy is in learning salsa, enjoying a walk with the family, learning to rock climb you will continue to do those things even when you lose a few pounds because that wasn’t the driving force. 

It’s an amazing aspect of magical living that when we stop trying to focus on fixing the problems in our lives and start creating what we love the things we perceived as problems just seem to solve themselves!  

My Story

I tweaked my back recently and it’s impacting my ability to ride horses and do other things I love.  To improve, I know I need to spend more time doing yoga, Pilates, weights, and to take it easy sometimes. 

Having learnt from my oscillating knee structure, I keep reminding myself to focus on what I truly love – riding out on my horse – exploring the world with my man, sailing – because when I imagine those things I have the inner will to get back to the Pilates mat and do my exercises.  

I have the desire to do the behaviours I need to, not only strengthen my back, but continue the exercises needed to strengthen my core to make me a better horseback rider.  My focus isn’t on fixing myself, my drive is to continue doing what I love and learning bigger and better tricks on my horse.    When I rely only on my ‘discipline’, I fall off the wagon and have no motivation for exercise.  When I’m thrilled and excited for my next ride with friends, I get off my butt and do what will best support that vision.  And wonder of wonders I’ve gone from ‘not being a morning person’ to enjoying getting up half an hour earlier and spending time doing my yoga stretches and my Pilates.  I love the peace and stillness in the world at that time of day, and in the winter, I get to see the sun rise every day and that fuels me even more.

So, let’s vow to DITCH the RESOLUTIONS!  We don’t need one more excuse to beat ourselves up.  Instead, I invite you to focus on what you would love!

If you've already written a list of 2021 resolutions, learn from it.   How many of them are fear-based negative visions?  Fear, self-judgement and comparison to others can be powerful feelings.  Learn from them and let them go! Allow yourself to dream and indulge in the emotion of your most blissful visions.  From that space create your end results.  Ignore your need to know ‘the plan’ or how you will get there and relish in your own imagination.   

I recommend connecting with the end result each day to keep it front and centre in your consciousness.  Put up a visual reminder (post it notes work just fine) to encourage you connect.  You give a message to your subconscious mind then that you are powerful and don’t need to be fixed.  You are fully capable of creating what you would love.  And in turn, your subconscious mind helps you in this quest by coming up with new, cool, joyful ways to support you in your creations.

Find joy in the journey and make 2021 your year to create more of what you love!

Downloads

• Why New Years Resolutions don't work_Jan21.pdf